Couples therapy in Shoreditch & online
The same argument, again and again.
Couples therapy is not about deciding who is right. It is about understanding what keeps happening between you, and why.
Most couples who come to me are not short of things to argue about. What is missing is a way to see the pattern underneath: what each of you brings from your own history, how you protect yourselves, and where closeness gets lost.
The relationship
We often choose each other for reasons neither of us fully knows.
My work with couples is psychoanalytically informed and relational. It rests on a simple idea: a relationship is more than two people. It is a third thing you make together, carrying hopes and fears, and patterns from the families you each grew up in. We take that seriously, and we think about it together, in the room, as it happens between us.
The argument that keeps returning is rarely about what it seems to be about. More often, the relationship is trying to say something neither of you can yet put into words.
Couples come after an affair, while deciding whether to stay, after a baby or a loss, or when closeness has quietly gone. Whatever brings you, we attend to what is happening between you, not to who is to blame.
How it works
We begin with a free call, so you can both get a feel for me and ask anything. Then we meet together for 50 or 90 minutes, in Shoreditch or online.
I hold both of you in mind, and I don’t take sides. Over time, the aim is a shared capacity to step back and think about the relationship together, rather than only reacting inside it. Arguments soften. You begin to hear what your partner is really saying, and to recognise your own part.
For many couples this brings them back to each other. For some it brings a clearer, kinder ending. Either way, you leave understanding yourselves, and each other, more deeply.
Fees
Couples session
£130
50 or 90 min
First call
Free
15–30 min · together
Reduced-fee places available · Individual therapy
Questions
What if only one of us wants to come?
It is common for one partner to arrive more willingly than the other, and that difference is often part of what we need to understand. The free call can be together, so the more hesitant partner can meet me before deciding anything.
Whose side are you on?
The relationship’s. I keep both of you in mind and attend to the pattern you create together: how each of you comes to carry feelings for the other, and how older attachments find their way into the present.
How is this different from learning communication skills?
Skills-based approaches teach better ways to talk. Psychoanalytic couple therapy works with what lies beneath the talking: unconscious hopes and fears, the families you each come from, and why you chose each other. It is slower, and the change tends to go deeper.
How long does it take?
It varies. Some couples come for a few months through a crisis; others stay longer to change something more deeply rooted. We review together as we go.
Can we meet online?
Yes. Sessions work well online, and some couples move between online and in person.
Finding the room
Leonard House, 87 Leonard Street, London EC2A 4QS.
Old Street
Northern line & National Rail · about five minutes’ walk
Shoreditch High St
Overground · about ten minutes’ walk
Liverpool Street
Elizabeth line, Central line & National Rail · about twelve minutes’ walk
Close to Hoxton, Haggerston, Dalston, London Fields, Hackney Central, Bethnal Green and the City.
Hackney · Shoreditch · ADHD & autism · Couples · Men
A short, free call.